The toughest question in the interview for me is 'why did you leave your last job?'
I did not leave, I was made to leave. That sucks! Though it was under pretext of redundancy but in my case, I was the only one being made redundant! So can't help but felt like I got fired!
Me..? Looking for a job now. How is it going? I applied to many posts, but being called to two interviews which I have yet to receive any feedbacks. So no news is good news for now. It is not that easy to find the right job in this country... but maybe because I always worried that it would not be easy. So all these could just be a self-fulfilling prophecy?
Yes... I need to have more patience. It can't happen overnight. I am glad that at least I was called for interviews. At least they have found me interesting and the experience anecdotes on my CV have some values.
Redundancy? Yup.. I had so many questions that were left unanswered. First they said I could stay on in London if home country management was fine with it. I went to see them, they said I could do that by resigning from home country's office. I was ecstatic that there was such option until I was told that my resignation was backfired. Shortly after that, I received my redundancy notice but the story had changed to KL had nothing to do with it. Though on my last day, they put the blame on KL, again. Then, on my appeal decision, it was all just coincidental that the dates matched with my resignation from the home country's office, in KL.
I felt I had enough with all these stupid charades! I am going to go with my gut feeling that it was KL all along and somebody here do not dare to go against them.
I read an article saying, it is your fault that you lost your job. Yeah, could be.. I should have listened to my instinct. I was being naive to think it was an option and put my belief on the management. To think about it again, I had always known that it was a problem for them to accept the fact that I requested to stay on, not to go back to KL as they have instructed. It was just they could not say it to my face. I should have read between the lines. I suppose, if I was to pay enough attention, I would be able to see it on their faces and hear the anxiousness in their voices though the words that fell from their mouths were favourable. But it was too late to act. I was not given a chance to retract my resignation because, I was told at that time that KL had nothing to do with the decision... until at that last moment. However, when it came to the time to put on paper, the story had changed again.
On the hindsight, some of them said, I should have secured a job here, then only resign. Again, this is because of my stupidity, I should have known not to trust the words of so called leaders. Need to be backed up in writing!! Lesson is well learnt, mucho gracias!
I need to move on from what happened in the past. I have to say, disappointment, frustration, victimisation, anger... were the feelings that I had when they said that my redundancy was confirmed. They do not even think that I have family to take care off. Felt unwanted and unvalued after all these years serving them. While I was having all these feelings towards them, to them... I was a nobody. Business went on like usual when I left. I was just a number in the books. Nothing else.
However, I realised, I can't control what they have done to me. I can't change it either. All that I can control is how I feel about it. I no longer feel vengeful or angry. I feel challenged. I feel that I am strong and can survive no matter what are the odds. I feel that I do not need them. I am capable and able to determine where I am going next. It is a matter of choice. I am going to try this route, to stay in this country and see what she can offer me. If it end up with nothing much, I could always venture elsewhere.
Though it has not been easy since I was asked to leave my job. Sometimes there are days where that evil worries crept into me questioning, do we have enough? Will we able to survive? But I have to say, so far we are actually fine. We are not starved. We can still afford roof on our head. We are able to put clothes on ourselves. Our family and friends are there to give us support and help. Maybe, family holiday is not part of the equation right now but what's more important... we feel genuinely blessed. Now, I feel much closer to Allah. I pray to him relentlessly hoping things will turnaround so I am able to provide again, to my family, to pay off my debts, to be independent again.
Soon, it is coming... I have to remind this to myself every single day. Universe is unfolding its page one by one. I have to follow it in order, can't skip a page or a chapter no matter how desperate I wanted to. I will need to keep faith that somewhere in that book, there is a page that read, I got my dream job. For now, I have to keep persevere and put my faith in Him, for He the Most Gracious, Merciful and Most Knowing. InsyaAllah.