Monday, May 4, 2009

I believe...

It has been awhile since I updated the blog. A lot has happened since then. Our good friend Acat, his lovely wife and daughter came and visit. Stayed with us for a week. I took the opportunity to utilise a few days of leaves] so I can spend some time with these favourite people of mine. We rented a 7 seaters and managed to go berserk at 3 different factory outlets and one big shopping complex at the outskirts of London. Thanks to Muz for driving us around and thank to the ever reliable Ms Tom who got us around. Glad that they had fun and I thank them for coming all the way to visit us. Acat and Juan, gave me this beautiful gold pendant for my birthday present. It is a sign of 'eternity'. Unfortunately, I do not have a gold chain to wear it with. Can't wait to go back to Malaysia to get my hand on one so I can wear this lovely gold pendant. Hope our friendship will last an eternity.

The weekend of the week when Acat and family went back, my parents and brother arrived. It was lovely to see them. I realised that I do miss Malaysia. I miss my family and friends so much. We uprooted our lives to move here and so much that we have left behind. Perhaps just temporary, but I can't help but to ask myself will things stay the same. I even unsure whether I still will be the same person when I return. Whether, I still can be a good friend to my friends after not being able to spend much time with them for the next few years. I am missing their birthdays, their weddings, the birth of their babies and other special moments. I am already missing 4 weddings this year alone. Just hope that they know I am thinking about them constantly.

Maintaining friendship requires work actually. First step is to stay in touch. I try to call them once in a while so that I do not lose touch of the happenings in their life. I have lost many friendships in the past simply because I did not make an effort to call or even drop an email to them. Each of us went to lead our lives in different tangent and your paths were never crossed again. So I lost them my once good friends. To just call them now and try to catch up is just not the same anymore.

That is why, I have learnt the importance to maintain the current friends that I have. I do not want to lose them as friends. However, there are times where we hurt them and there are times when we are hurt by them. We think we are beyond that. We think we already accept the person the way there are, but the problem comes when you expect something from them. I try not to take them for granted but at the same time, I try not to feel easily offended. How do you want to tell a good friend that you have felt offended? It is not as easy as it seems... Can things still be the same after that? Will the friendship change? I guess it is a test whether a friendship will weather.

You may think a certain gestures are very small but sometimes these small gestures that matter. You seem to understand about courtesy and how to be polite to strangers but why do you sometimes forget to extend the same courtesy to your own friend. You give in a relationship but sometimes it is not 'thank you' that you expect. Just the thought of that person would do the same to you and your loved ones is enough. You do not expect an immediate pay back but sometimes a small gesture that shows, you will also being treated the same if its you at the other end. Sometimes these small gestures makes you feel that your friend is doing things to you out of kindness and from their heart rather than out of obligation. Which makes you feel that you always have friends to fall back to when you are in need.

I hate to be calculative. And because of that, I also do not like people to be calculative with me. This is simply because I do not like to feel that I owe them something. I never expect anything in return when I give but sometimes this devil in me can't help but wonder is the other person being calculative when I fail to see a simple voluntary gestures of giving?

When these deemed simple and small gestures are overlooked consistently, makes you wonder whether can a major gesture be extended in the future? These small gestures are stuff which you would do anyway to your acquantaince or people whom you have just met but why sometimes we fail to provide the same courtesy to people that we called friends. A reminder to me... never ever take things for granted. No matter how harden you have became, no matter how cynical life have thought you, never to forget simple act of courtesy. So, I try to be aware and conscious in my act to others, whether it is to my friend, spouse, parents, in laws, elders... or even to strangers.

Also, gestures can be misunderstood. Sometimes the circumstances make people assume. So it is best to get it clarified rather than live in false presumptions. But somebody told me... you can't see what is in the person's heart, you can only see from his/her actions. I guess another reason why you should be more careful in what you say and how you act. This is definitely an area which I need to improve. I seem to make that mistakes a lot these days.

The same to your wife or your husband. You are together because of love... or for some people, the love that they once had in each other. Years of being together makes you know each other better and develop certain understanding in each other. But the comfortable reliance sometimes make you take each other for granted. Each one of you have made sacrifices to ensure the relationship works so that is why I believe it is important that you do not lose sight of what the other half have done to you. The focus should be more than you are taking stock of what you have done to the other half. The same in friendship... it is never one sided, hopefully. So I should focus on what others have done to me, then I can really appreciate the friendship that I have.

I see a lot of this not happening in marriages too, a husband thinks he has the right to marry another one because he thinks he has fulfilled his obligation to provide for his wife/wives. A wife may think that the husband deserved to be talked down in front of others because she is also contributing to the family. I admit it, even me sometimes, I only see the things that I have done for Muz and feel as if his wants and needs can sometimes be spared. Whatever the reasons being, you should not take each other for granted. Always treat each other with respect... if your temper is short at least try not to do it in front of others. Your spouse has feelings too and at least spare his/ her dignity. In other words, jaga air muka.

An ex boss told me before, never ever jatuh kan air muka orang. The same you should treat your staff, strangers and even your bosses. Nobody like to be embarassed in front of others. If you keep that in mind, you will go far. That is why, he is one of the greatest boss I have ever known. He managed to lead and formed a great team even with difficult personalities. Unfortunately, we heard a rumor that he went to take a second wife though... If this is true, I guess he doesn't really practice what he said in his personal life. He just jatuh kan air muka his first wife.

Anyway, having said all these... the ultimate thing in life is down to tolerance and forgiveness. I have seen husband endure his rude wife and I have seen wife tolerate her husband infidelity and these people actually happy (maybe they miserable inside... I don't know). If you think you have give a lot, be thankful that you are able to give. Do not expect everybody else to be the same as you or do not have certain expectation on other people. In the end of the day it is the state of mind. Focus only on positive things. Try not to pick out on these negatives bits and life will be much simpler. If you focus on positive things, you will be happy, and when you are happy, good things will come to you. It is the law of universe. Happiness attracts happiness and maybe you can inflict happiness onto others too. Hehe... I am trying to spread my believe in The Law if Universe. For those who has read The Secret, you will know what I am talking about... I believe...

2 comments:

  1. hi there, nice entry eju. always appreciate n be thankful for what we hv, we'll be happy inside n out rite? :). found ur blog whilst blog hopping.take care, keep in touch n say hi to muz.

    p/s: have u read the last lecture by randy pausch? if u haven't, go and grab it. excellent! :)

    -ima-

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  2. Hi Ima! Great that you drop a line. How are things in Australia? How's the pregnancy going? Send our love to Joe. Take care of yourself ok??

    Saw the last lecture. Yup.. it is very inspiring...

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